The #1 Dad Book

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Introduction

Hey, dad. (Or soon-to-be dad.) I get it.

You’re busy as a beaver in flood times. Busy as popcorn in a skillet.

You’re distracted.

You’re under pressures people don’t always understand.

You don’t have time for…well, lots of things you’d like to have time for.

You’re frustrated at times.

Just the other day, you couldn’t find the car keys, or your wallet, or the TV remote.

Or all of the above.

Occasionally, you can be a knucklehead. That’s okay.

This batshit crazy world isn’t making things any easier.

It’s like the title of that old show from Broadway:

Stop the World—I Want to Get off.

You can’t get off this not-so-merry-go-round, though.

But you do love your kids (or kid) more than anything.

You want them to have really good lives. You’re doing the best you can.

But you know what? You can do better.

Yeah, you can.

These pages can help.

It’ll be quick…and mostly painless. And it will make you a better dad.

Even if just two, or three, or five of these ideas work for you.

You’ll be a better dad. Maybe a whole lot better.

And that’ll be a good thing for everybody you care about.

Especially your kids.

I did the homework, so you don’t have to do as much. I talked to lots of experts, and lots of dads, and lots of experts who are also dads. I read everything I could. Then I wrote and rewrote this book.

The pro-football coach Bill Parcells once said, “You are what your record says you are.”

Your kids are your record. So, turn the page, dad.

You’re in.

You just made a big commitment. One hour.

•••

Here’s to New Dads — and Old Vets

Maybe you’re a newbie. Or maybe you’re becoming a dad again. Whatever kind of dad you are, congrats! You’re part of a

sacred brotherhood. And a fatherhood. A very long line of dads. At times, that can be very comforting.

You’re not alone.

First, you need to know this: After the baby is born, everybody will be mostly fussing over mom and the baby, not you. That’s natural. It’s totally fair.

Pregnancy is an unbelievably tough gig. You have no idea. Me neither.

And babies have their own adorable ways of demanding attention.

But what about the dad?

After the baby comes, dads need some hugs too.

Dads need the occasional “attaboy.”

Because pregnancy is hard for the dad too. There, I said it. Out loud.

Mom, if you’re reading this, go ahead and throw this very nice book (that you probably bought) at the nearest wall.

But show dad some compassion. He’s not as smart as you.

And everything just changed for him too.

“Like so much between fathers and sons, playing catch was tender and tense at the same time.” —Donald Hall, Poet; One Daughter, One Son

•••

Things Are about to Get Messy

I know your time is valuable. I respect that. The one-hour clock is ticking.

We might as well get right into it.

Between your baby’s birth and the end of toilet training, you’ll be changing about eight thousand diapers. A lot of those diapers will be somewhere between foul and disgusting.

Get used to it. Embrace the poop. Laugh at the poop. Talk to the poop.

“Wow! How could so much poop come out of such a small person? This is impressive. Must be some kind of worldrecord.”

Above all, don’t put off dealing with the poop. Or the pee. You may not remember, but diaper rash really sucks. If it was your dirty underwear, you’d change it in a hurry, right?

It’s not that hard. Just a little gross. Gross is no big deal.

So, roll up your sleeves, hold your breath, do your job.

Same goes for feeding time and bath time.

You’re going to get sticky. You’re going to get wet.

So what? Dive right in. Volunteer for service.

And remember this when you’re at the supermarket. Seriously, don’t mess up here. Baby wipes are essential for the health of your baby’s behind. And for your mental health. And your partner’s.

You can never have too many. Don’t scrimp. Buy in bulk.

A lot of dad stuff is doing little things like that. That’s why it’s easy to get better.

One mess at a time.

“The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you’re unqualified to do.” — John Green, Author; One Son, One Daughter

•••

Not a Hugger? You Will Be in a Minute

If there’s one thing a lot of kid experts agree on, it’s that human touch is life itself for babies. Remember, the little one just spent nine months inside another body. He or she craves contact.

Hold those little babies as much as you can.

Press them against your heart. They love to hear it thumping.

Hug them while they’re awake. Hug them while they’re sleeping.

They can’t get enough of you.

Okay, sometimes they’ll slime your favorite shirt. Or pants. Or even your ballcap. But that’s a small price to pay.

And hugging isn’t just for babies.

I have a good friend who raised a couple of football-playing boys. One Saturday night, the boys got up from the table after we all had dinner. They were about to walk out the front door when my friend called out to them: “Where do you two think you’re going?”
The boys, big-time football players, came back and gave their dad a hug.

That scene taught me a lesson that I never forgot.

More important, I’ve lived by it ever since.

Our son got a hug every morning when we dropped him off at school. We couldn’t have cared less what the other kids thought. He felt the same way we did.

He’s grown up now. But whenever he comes home, he still gets a hug.

He always will.

The author George Saunders said something that’s been guiding me for the last couple of years.

It’s this: “My time here is short—what can I do the most beautifully?”

One of the most beautiful things you can do is become a better father.

Starting with a hug.

“From the time our kids were very young, we would say, ‘Let’s do a big hug!’ We’d put our arms around each other in a circle, draw in close, very close, and start saying in a quiet voice, ‘AHHHH,’ with eventual crescendos, ‘AHHHH,’ until it was loud enough that we were all giggling. We still do it to this day.” —Mark, Doctor; Two Daughters