So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex

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Renowned sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner shares the unique and indispensable program he uses to help thousands of couples achieve more intimacy and better sex.

Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom—a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress. His secret weapon? Informed curiosity. Kerner has perfected the art of the “sex script analysis,” a method of inquiry to examine your sex life in action moment by moment. In those details—the what, where, when, and why of your last sexual experience—all the clues of what went wrong are laid bare and the mystery of how to create mutual pleasure can be solved. When our sex scripts work, we let go into arousal and lose ourselves in pleasure. But when the sex script fails, it’s all we can do not to ruminate over the details. Sometimes you can be lying in bed right next to someone and feel a million miles apart. In those moments of silent desperation, the sex script is our guide to everything happening between the sheets and beneath the surface.

With wit and warmth, the nationally recognized sex therapist and author of the smash hit She Comes First uses his tried and true techniques and tools to show readers how to tap into their erotic personalities and realize their sexual potential. He’ll help you figure out what’s working and what’s not in your sex script and discuss many common sexual problems, from low desire and mismatched libidos to male and female sexual function issues, that may be interfering with your sex life. With the help of decades of clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, valuable homework assignments, and more, this insightful and original book strips away discomfort and gives readers the ability to not just talk about sex openly and knowingly, but to actually do something about it.

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“From breaking out of a sex rut to managing mismatched libidos, Ian Kerner is at the forefront of giving us fresh sexy solutions to classic sex problems.”
Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity
"Even in therapy, sex seems like the one topic people need to talk about most but don't know how. Thankfully, renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner has come to the rescue for everyone who has wanted more out of their erotic life but felt stuck, confused, or just plain frustrated. Combining decades of clinical research and real people's stories, this elucidating guidebook is a must-read for anyone interested in creating a richer, deeper romantic life. There is warmth, compassion and clarity on every page."
Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone
"Ian Kerner is a voice of equal parts compassion and logic. He speaks equally to men and to women, equally to people with great sex lives and people who are struggling. Ian's work is essential in the world of sex positive writing."
Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of Come As You Are and Burnout
“What a fascinating book on the how-to of sex—it’s packed with riveting data and great advice: Either you’ll be gratified that you are doing everything right or you’ll pick up a pile of truly valuable tips. Kerner is a wise man--it's a compelling read.”
Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Author of Anatomy of Love
“Is the air you breathe oxygenated with a little bit of eroticism?” asks bestselling author and sex therapist Ian Kerner. If it is, then you will savor this book which, (as the title indicates), invites us to look through the window of our last sexual experiences to illuminate our sex lives and what they could become. If it isn’t then you must buy this book today! Kerner has created another instant classic for individuals, couples and their therapists who are willing to consider what last night could mean for tomorrow."
Peggy J. Kleinplatz, Ph.D., Professor, Faculty of Medicine, University of Ottawa, Canada
"Based on real stories and linked by real data, Kerner's So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex is a look into the sex lives of people that will serve to normalize, validate, and importantly, inspire! This book is for sex therapists, individuals seeking to improve their sex lives, and anyone who wants to turn good sex into great sex!"
Lori A. Brotto, PhD, author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness
“My goodness, he’s done it again. After helping men become “cliterate” with She Comes First and guiding women through the intricacies of male passion with He Comes Next, Ian Kerner fearlessly leads us to explore one another. His guidance is at once fresh, human and state of the art. What is your erotic blueprint? Dispelling one myth after another So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex invites you on a journey toward a deeper, richer and more authentic sexuality.”
Terrence Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage
"For any couple struggling to make sense of their fickle sex drives, dwindling desires and disappointing sexual experiences, Dr. Kerner’s latest book is the first step towards living healthier, fulfilling and more pleasurable sex lives. This book will transform not only the sexual relationship you have with your partners but the one you have with yourself. It's a must read for anyone who is ready to let go of their limiting beliefs to make way for sexual discovery and satisfaction."
Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality, Founder & CEO, Sex With Emily
“So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is simply a delightful book! It tells you how to focus down and unpack your sexual dance and make it rock! More than this it's so easy to read: down to earth and so eminently practical. A great acquisition for anyone who wants to improve their sex life.”
Sue Johnson, Author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
“Ian Kerner is the real deal. In So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, he uses the most essential form of communication—storytelling—to help couples follow the thread from their stuck, unsatisfying scripts back to the deep tender core of vulnerability that underlies them. Filled with practical exercises, Kerner addresses an array of sexual challenges and shows how they can become opportunities for erotic growth. He also inspires his readers to expand their erotic repertoire through flexibility, creative imagination, and more meaningful sexual conversations with themselves and their partners. I can't think of a more hopeful, humane and knowledgeable guide for navigating the sometimes vexing impasses of couple sex.”
Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together
“Kerner dusts off the traditional concept of a ‘sex script’ and polishes it to a high sheen. In his hands, this humble tool becomes a powerful key to deeper sexual aliveness. This is a highly original book. It’s also playful, deeply personal, unfailingly kind, and clearly a labor of love. I can’t think of any other sex writer who can discuss Aristotle’s Poetics together with the neuroscience of orgasm, but Kerner does it all with unfailing skill. Highly recommended!”
Stephen Snyder, M.D., author of Love Worth Making
"Ian Kerner is a gem of a sex therapist and a masterful storyteller. This book is insightful, practical, accessible, and most of all, helpful. Written in an extraordinarily comfortable and engaging style, Kerner has produced a book that will not only grab the reader's attention and interest, but is sure to enhance the sexual, emotional, and relational lives of its audience. Much like his earlier work, She Comes First, So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex is a book that will endure for years. I am sure to recommend this text to my patients with frequency and enthusiasm!"
Daniel N. Watter, Ed.D., Past-President, The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)
"Does the sex between your ears or your sheets needs a script update? You’ve come to the right place. Ian Kerner brings together up to the minute sexual science with the highly personal art form of sexual pleasure to give readers a master class in sexual script writing. Full of practical and knowledgeable ideas for rewriting your last forgettable sexual experiences into sexual narratives worth repeating and retelling."
Doug Braun-Harvey, MFT, Co-Author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction
PRAISE FOR IAN KERNER

"In a town where everyone wants go down in history remembered for something, Ian Kerner wants to go down as the champion of going down."
New York Magazine
"Ian Kerner is that rare man who truly loves women and wants to help them."
Amy Sohn, New York Magazine columnist
PRAISE FOR SHE COMES FIRST

"Move over, Casanova. Step aside, Don Juan. Out of the way Mr. Big. Meet Ian Kerner, the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman."
New York Post
“Required reading for all men who are dating and all women who are wondering why they’re not satisfied. A practical, friendly, well-written guide for men who want to give better orgasms and the women who will be lining up to love them.”
Cindy Chupack, writer/executive producer of Sex and the City
“The sex manual getting the most attention these days is She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner... With a cool sense of humor and an obsessive desire to inform, he encourages men through an act that many find mystifying.”
New York Times, Sunday Book Review
“The man who made oral sex into an art form.”
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D, Professor of Sociology, University of Washington and author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love and the Sensual Years
“If you’re at all confused about how to use your tongue or fingers to make a woman come, consider reading the unparalleled work of genius She Comes First by Ian Kerner. The advice is extremely practical and hands on—he will literally walk you through every step of the way, with things like the Jackson Pollock lick and the Elvis Presley snarl.”
GQ Magazine
PRAISE FOR PASSIONISTA

“In Passionista, his pleasure is all yours.”
Tracey Cox, best-selling author of SuperSex
“A Master Class in Men. Four Stars. You need another sex book like you need a hole in the head, right? Not so fast. Kerner, who famously urged men to wiggle their tongues in She Comes First, is back with a guided tour of male sexuality, with an emphasis on the mind as well as the body.”
New York Post
“..his discussions of male desire and sexual response, and tips on how to tickle the male libido before you even reach the bedroom, made me feel like a female Luke Skywalker, toiling under the tutelage of a much more articulate Yoda.”
Sex Herald

On Sale: Apr 20, 2021
Publisher: Hachette Audio
ISBN-13: 9781549102455

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Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT

About the Author

Ian Kerner is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy, and working with individuals on a range of relational issues. He is the New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First and many more, focusing on healing sexuality and relationships. He is a Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists; certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (where he also sits on the board); the Society for Sex Therapy and Research; and the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy.

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Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT

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